*2006 Player Profiles*
Player Profiles:Rich Foot (Penrose) - Footy is an elegant top order batsman and our Chairman for 2006. Although he has only played 2 games for Cardiff University, he has been a key member of the squad for the last two years. This season will be massive for him, runs galore. Also a very handy wikky. Facial hair yet to be approved of. Dubbed 'Rich Fit Foot' in 1st year - pulling power remains unproven. (JW)
James Woodroof (Woody, Madras, A.D.H.D.) - An integral part of the club over the past 2 years. In spite of many dubious hair cuts, egg-related violence when drunk and some 'creative' journalistic skills, Woody has done fantastic work for the club. He is the sole reason the website is any use to anyone and at nets and on the field he has turned in consistently enthusiastic and productive performances with the bat (and sometimes the ball!). He has a tenacious character and love for the game which is hard to beat on a cricket field. Also an advocate of strong pupil teacher relationships....lets put it this way, she taught him a little more than PE!! (RF+AG)
Steve Paul (Sean Paul) - The most solid cricketers in the club. He has scored runs opening up throughout his Uni career, and is always enthusiastic and dependable. He is our Club Captain this year. Can keep when short! Striking resemblance to Vinnie Jones. Will never say a good word about himself, but seldom fails to impress, whether it be fielding, batting, (shite) bowling or speed drinking in 'boat races'. A big fan of the leg side 'bunt'. (RF + JW)
Ali Garnsworthy - Garns is the club's team stylist. He's offering a new approach to the bog standard social shirts and kit… there are talks of flared whites for the season. Garns is a top batsman and a fine wikky. In his final year now, pushing for a 1st team place. A role model to metrosexuals such as VJ and Dunc McC. Questionable skills with ladies. (JW)
Warren Stafford (Rug) - Staff has been an ever-present 1st team member in his last 2 seasons. A very useful in swing bowler, and middle order batsman, Waff has been a consistent performer and has contributed a great amount to the Uni. This year's Treasurer is keeping a close eye on the Bunce (£) - good work on using club funds for over 50 drinks on initiation!!! (JW)
Aled Lloyd (Greebo) - probably perceived as the quietest member of the committee, Aled is a fantastic sportsman. A quality batsman and a useful medium pacer on the cricket pitch, and also lightning across the ice - Aled plays for the Uni Ice Hockey team. He is this years vice captain, has a great cricket brain and will be a match winner this season. (JW)
Ali Price (Harmy )- Harmy has not played a BUSA game for Cardiff yet, because he got in a fight the week before our first game last year - "Love me love me! Pathetic!". However, he was Bowler of the West Indies Tour last September and also finished 3rd top run-scorer. A great Social Secretary, and a promising 1st team all rounder this season. Founding member of the "Four Funboys", I mean, "Awesome Foursome". (JW)
VJ - The enthusiastic cockney didn't waste any time in his first year, making a lot of friends in the club with his love of all things great - banter, women and booze. Hang on. VJ will happily admit being one of the worst drinkers in the club, never far away from a Reef or Southern Comfort and his new fad - menthol cigarettes! He is a very useful all-rounder, and has a great chance of making an impression this season. This year's Secretary, and a key member of the “Awesome Foursome” (Where's your Mantel gone?!). (JW)
Chris Allen (Ratty) - Despite his marsupial facial features, similar to Brett Lee, Chris is a bit of a legend. A great opening batsman and is dabbling in bowling medium pace (with some success) this winter. Chris is an essential social member of the side too, averaging 4 hours a night on the dancefloor, and frequent shouts of 'cunt' (usually to Woody for no reason). Repels fit women. Joint second best looking member of “The gay (or great) threesome”. English language student, but if you've ever heard him speak, you wouldn't have thought so (Bolognese + Vendetta!?!). (JW)
Matthew Lloyd Button-Stephens (Buttons) - Those who haven't got to know Buttons yet are in for a treat. One of the strangest (but most legendary) guys you will ever meet. A (potentially) great opening batsman, and an integral part of “the gay threesome”, Buttons has dabbled in sex, drugs and rock and roll (though recently, a lack of the former). With regards his batting, he has confessed himself "Easy to bowl well at". (JW)
Pete Church (Churchie) - I can't really do Churchie justice in 50 words. An excellent left arm spinner, Tuffnellesque, took a lot of wickets on tour. Self confessed rabbit with the bat. Voted “Man of Tour” for his exemplary behaviour during fines and banter in the pool. Co-Social-Sec this year, will provide hours of amusement with various drinking games and tom foolery. (JW)
Luke Sellers (big time) - Luke has joined the Cardiff boys after a very successful stint for the Academy last year. He will be the sting in our bowling attack this year, and will probably chip in with a few big sixes. Drinking skills still need to be proven. (JW)
John Lamswood (Lammy) - Lammy is a late comer to the squad. A top order batsman and yet another wicket keeper! He is the self-proclaimed "King of the dancefloor" and will be either found strutting his stuff infront of unimpressed women in Solus or propped up against the bottle bar challenging anyone to a reef downing competition. Will offer a lot socially but little vertically. (AP)
Ed Jones (Ra Ra) - Ed is a masters student, and also the current Sport Editor for the gair rhydd. On the pitch, he bowls 'loopy' off spin, and bats middle order. Although laziness has prevented him from playing much uni cricket, this year he promises to turn over a new leaf and turn up to nets and games etc! A top performance on the first social, his geek like features proving a hit with the ladies. (JW)
Tom McNeil (Seth) - Tom is a great opening batsman. Although a risk taker, he plays all around the wicket with conviction and was very successful for the 2nds last year. A fan of great indie music, although his hair emulates Woody's from last year, which can't be a good thing. (JW)
Joe Large (Action Man) - Little Joe is Woody's housemate. He is a useful medium pacer, but hasn't batted once at nets! He was put in the squad in his first year, but didn't know because he never checked the website! Turned up to trials this year in bermuda shorts - homme behaviour - but was one of only two who "dipped their wick" on the first social, so we can forgive him. The girl thought the "Action Man" on his arms was a tattoo. Incidentally, if you were Cantonese, it would read "Man Action". Perhaps an omen. (JW)
Steve Hughes (Mullally) - Steve was a consistent bowler for the 2nds last year with his left arm pace. He is the most impatient batsman in the world, trying to hoik everything to cow. An enthusiastic club member who promises much this season. (JW)
Andy Cornick (Jesus) - Andy played once last year and scored a half century for the 2nds. A solid batsman who bears a striking resemblance to the Messiah. (JW)
Dunc McCullough (metrosexual) - Garns will write this!
FRESHERS
Ben Anderson (Sack) - Ben will be a key member of the squad this year on and off the pitch. His enthusiasm for having his back, sack and crack waxed is slightly worrying, but he assures me that it would be beneficial for all concerned. He bowls medium pace, and will probably be batting lower middle order. Must prove himself on next social due to no show! (JW)
Greg Fury (Midget/Hobbit) - Has remarkable ability with both bat and gloves for such a short human being, probably should have made the Academy, but their loss is our gain. Made a massive contribution to early net banter and has followed that up by common schoolboy errors such as drinking vodka before embarking on an initiation. He forms the slightly shorter of the 'dynamic duo' of wicket keepers the club has taken on this year. (RF)
Nick Hartley (Lerch) - The much taller member of the dynamic duo, or Large of Little n Large fame. Has impressed this year with both gloves and bat as well as a genuinely top effort to find a wig complete with curlers for the social. Possibly took time and effort to make his fake tits seem as real as they did, but has otherwise made a top impression in his first couple of months with us! (RF)
Ben Orr (Statto) - In pole position to become the club's new Mr. Nice Guy in Steve Clark's absence. First made an impression not only for his natural perm but for buying a freeview box for his halls room solely for the purpose of getting Sky Sports News because he was suffering withdrawl symptoms after just 2 weeks without it! Also had a brilliant social - managing to go through the whole night with an alcohol-induced smile and glazed look about him, whilst he had the added bonus of not having to buy a wig! (RF)
Sanjay (Mr. Motivator) - Certainly the keenest member of the club, all round bloody nice guy and shows great signs of becoming a great member of the squad. Has shown promising signs of being able to perform every kind of left arm bowling style despite playing with an injury for three weeks because Usman told him 'he has to come to every training session, whatever'! (RF)
Murali (Raj, Sex Pest) - Made a sound impression with his cricketing performances but a far more lasting one by doing a classic impression of Van Wilder's sidekick, Taj at the recent social by exclaiming “I just want to get some white pussy, I love the white woman's curves!” (see Garnz for details) Brilliant. (RF)
Waleed (Wally) - Impressed initially with some serious pace coming down from a ridiculous Harmison-esque height. Later impressed at the social as despite being one of the quieter freshers, he spent the majority of the latter stages of the night simply staring in awe at the women on the dance floor. Classic fresher performance! (RF)
Ben Walker - Annoyed all the selectors along with Mike for bowling left-arm over in the spinner's lane, but his performances soon caused that annoyance to pale to insignificance as his consistent pace and accuracy impressed easily. Fell victim to the Woody-invoked Granny cull at the social, but was an actively battered member prior to that debacle. Thanks Woody. (RF)
Mike Hooper - The other left arm irritant impressed with similar consistency but shirked all batting duties citing a fantastic shoulder scar. Had the misfortune of being attached to Greg during the first part of the social, acquitted himself brilliantly and rounded it off by firing an egg into Greg's face from close range. Justice! (RF)
Usman Cheema (Mr. Angry) - Uzzy has shown some proper 'wheels' during nets, hurrying nearly every batsman to come up against him. Has displayed a fierce committment throughout the early part of the year and it was disappointing that he failed miserably to attend the social. Thus his banter capabilities are yet to be proven, but you can rest assured that no-one will mess with this man when he is about to start his run up! (RF)
Palyam Swaroop (Pal, Samsung?) - Another member of our incredibly keen fresher intake this year. No single session in the first few weeks without him asking to show off his talents with the bat, but he has since shown himself to be capable with both bat and ball. Made a top appearance at the social taking part in all the drinking games then inexplicably lost the hoard of grannies on the way from Yates' to Cathays. How?! (RF)
Dan Britcliffe (Paddy) - Paddy looks and bats like Ian Blackwell of Somerset fame. A big hitter who fears nothing - he carved Usman over cover! An interesting performance on his debut social - perhaps taking his role as a woman rather too well. Drinking ability is solid; rather than the standard bottle when introducing himself, Paddy saw off a pint. Arrogance! (RF)
Oli Tame (Shitpants) - Shitpants is a useful medium pacer and middle order bat. Oli bought Woody a dildo on his debut social and put it in his pint. You can't put a price on comedy - definitely worth a fiver. (JW)
Dan Watkins (Magoo) - Dan is an elegant batsman, who has impressed this term with consistently solid net sessions. Can also chuck down some medium pace pies. Said he didn't mind having the nickname "Cunt" this year (that's what everyone calls him), before it was decided to be "Magoo" for absolutely no reason. Another Momed boy - dependable right back and sub. (JW)
James Neale (Boomerang, Nealo) - Nealo can swing the ball a mile. Although, he is rumoured to shine that ball of his for over an hour a day. Soon to be confiscated, we'll see how good he really is! Self-confessed rabbit with the bat. Excellent turnout on socials; drinking still suspect despite buying a bottle of wine at gone 1am in Tiger Tiger - mentalist! Had VJ's sloppy seconds! (JW)
