Especially for Lamby...
The batsman had been out off the third ball and was back in the pavilion taking an early lunch of fish and chips. 'I don't think much of this batter' he complained. 'You can talk,' replied the waitress.********************************
The insects were having their annual cricket match. The captain was a Grasshopper, who turned to the Cricket and said, "Are you a bowler?"
"Of course," said the Cricket. "Who ever heard of a cricket bat?"
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Which cricket team plays while half dressed?
The Vest Indies.
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An expectant father rang the hospital to see how his wife was getting on. By mistake he was connected to the Lord's cricket ground. "How's it going?" he asked. "Fine," came the answer, "We've got three out and hope to have the rest out before lunch. The last one was a duck."
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In school, the teacher asked Johnny to spell "bowling". Back came the answer : "B-o-e-l-i-n." "That," said the teacher, "is the worst spell of bowling I've ever seen."
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The Devils challenged the Angels to a game of cricket. "But we've got all the cricketers," said the Angels. "Yes. But we've got all the umpires!" exclaimed The Devils.
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3rd Test, Day 3, Aust v Nzl at the WACA, 2001
Between overs whilst discussing the cracks in the pitch with fellow commentator Mark Taylor, the ever lovable Richie Benaud causes concern for players safety with the following statement.
Richie Benaud: "A few cracks starting to appear on the pitch. We've seen a lot of cracks here at the WACA in the last few years, some at least 10-12 centimetres wide."
Boy! Now we know what happened to all the Aussie cricketers we have seen come and go over the years, they fell into the cracks!
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As the batsmen passed the man in the white coat, he said, "That was never LBW - you need glasses."
And the man in the white coat replied, "so do you mate, I'm selling ice-cream."
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Dennis Lillee and Jeff Thomson were a fearsome combination, both on and off the green. An interviewer once said to Lillee, "Tell me, Dennis, what would you do if you discovered you had only 30 minutes to live?"
Dennis said "I'd make love to the first thing that moved."
"And what would you do Mr Thomson?" and Thommo said, "I wouldn't move for half an hour."
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"The Queen's Park Oval. Exactly as its name suggests...absolutely round." - Tony Cozier
"And there`s the George Headly Stand, named after George Headly" - Trevor Quirk
"Butcher plays off his black foot" - Brian Johnston (BBC)
"The bowler's Holding, the batsman's Willey" - Brian Johnston (BBC)
"Beautiful cunt shot" - Bill Lawry (Channel 9)
"What a magnificent shot! No he's out." - Tony Greig (Channel 9)
"There are 25000 people here today and they are all here to watch the cricket" - Loius Karpus
"On the outfield, hundreds of small boys are playing with their balls." - Rex Alston (BBC)
"Omar Henry hit one or two boundries in his seven."- Nic Collins
"Fast bowlers are quick, even at the end of the day. Just watch this - admittedly it's in slow motion." - Ian Chappell (Channel 9)
"For every winner, there has to be a looser in these games." - Tony Greig (Channel 9)
"If you go in with two fast bowlers and one breaks down, you're left two short." - Bob Massie (ABC Radio)
"A very small crowd here today. I can count the people on one hand. Can't be more than 30." - Michael Abrahamson (SABC)
"Welcome to Worcester where you've just missed seeing Barry Richards hitting one of Basil D'Oliveira's balls clean out of the ground." - Brian Johnston (BBC Radio)
"There were congratulations and high-sixes all round." - Richie Benaud (Channel 9)
"This game will be over any time from now." - Alan McGilvray (ABC Radio)
"It is important for Pakistan to take wickets if they are going to make big inroads into this Australian batting line-up." - Max Walker (Channel 9)
"As a result, Tasmania picks up two valuable points, not that they are any value now. The match has already been decided." - Gerry Collins (ABC)
"It's a very good witch in Bombay...good wicket." - Greg Ritchie (Channel 9)
"One of the hardest things is to take a caught and bowled off your own bowling." - Mike Haysam
"Yorkshire 332 all out, Hutton ill - I'm sorry, Hutton 111." - John Snagge (BBC News)
"Glenn McGrath joins Craig McDermott and Paul Reiffel in a three-ponged prace attack." - Tim Gavel (ABC News)
"Ray Illingworth has just relieved himself at the pavilion end." - Brian Johnston (BBC Radio)
"He's usually a good puller, but that time he couldn't get it up." - Richie Benaud (Channel 9)
"In the back of Hughes' mind must be the thought that he will dance down the piss and mitch one." - Tony Greig (Channel 9)
"Laird has been brought in to stand in the corner of the circle." - Richie Benaud (Channel 9)
"Chappell just stood on his feet and smashed it to the boundary." - Jim Maxwell (ABC Radio)
"I was on 99...I got really scared. I pooped my pants, missed the next ball and was bowled." - Victoria's Brad Hodge on an under 12's match.
"Lloyd's talking to his SLIPers." - Channel 9 commentator
"The sight of Bright holds no fright for Wright." - Jim Maxwell (ABC)
"On the first day, Logie decided to chance his arm and it came off." - Trevor Bailey (Radio 3)
"It's been very slow and dull day, but it hasn't been boring. It's been a good, entertaining day's cricket." - Tony Benneworth (ABC Radio)
"It was close for Zaheer, Lawson threw his hands in the air and Marsh threw his head in the air." - Jack Potter (3UZ)
"There's Anil Kumble. We're looking forward to seeing him bat, he's a very useful bowler."
Q: "Darryl, who are your favourite actors?" Cullinan: "Dustin Hoffman and some Aussie bowlers in the act of appealing."
Q: "What's your favourite animal?" Steve Waugh: "Merv Hughes."
Still all shit but at least there's something to ease lamby's anticipation. The link below takes you to a site thats done a slightly better job of poking fun at sport.
TheBladder.com
